Anonymous: What has been happening in your life since you last wrote? How's medical school and the complicated love life? Did you ever manage to resolve the mistakes you made in the past? What happened to Nurse England, and Dr Belfast?
Everything is good!
Focusing on medical school for a while, just arrived back, will be providing a report for all of you soon :)
In the UK we do a test called OSCEs, they’re clinical exams designed to test our ability to talk and work with patients. Today was my first one.
We had stations which tested actual clinical skills, communication skills and anatomy.
I had always hoped I would excel in this area, I am confident, and love talking and working with patience.
Ah, sweet complacency!
It went well, i must admit. It went better than some peoples but it wasn’t at the level I want my clinical skills to be. I want to be perfectly calm and confident - the truth was my nerves showed in some stations, making me forget simple things.
I’m hoping each time I do these exams I get better, and show them how I am in the hospitals.
I guess this effects everyone who is revising, my brain is officially mush.
On the plus side I’m getting a lot of work done. Library in 8 hours! Yay?
Exam is in 13 days.
So I just got the results for this unit - I got 66%. I’m pretty happy with that, it’s just above average and I think it reflects the amount of work I put into it.
I was talking to some third and fourth years that told me I should do just the right amount of work in 1st and 2nd years and not go too far or else i’ll burn myself out for clinical years. I think i’ll try stick to that and go crazy in my last 3 years.
Hope it works out -but I’m happy with how it’s going so far!
Revision starts for the end of semester exams NOW!!
cranquis: HEY! My med-school stethoscope was hunter green too! WE'RE STETHOSCOPE SOUL MATES. :)
It is an honour to share stethoscopes with you! I used it for the first time last week - we did respiratory exams!
I spent over 20 minutes talking with an Urgent Care patient today.
This isn’t exactly strange, since sometimes patients (and their medical conditions) are complicated, requiring more than the unofficially-alloted “goal” of 4-8 minutes per patient visit. But this patient’s visit wasn’t complicated; she just needed something for a rash.
I just… couldn’t pull myself away from her. From everything she is.
I met a wonderful patient the other day, she was here for her ECG results from an arrhythmia. She was 80 years-ish. She was a smiley, chatty wonderful patient who had a number of problems in her life, losing her husband early to a heart attack, nearly losing her son to the same thing and worrying about her daughter with epilepsy. Yet throughout it all she seemed so independent and confident that you wouldn’t help but aspire to be like her.
Throughout our time at the medical school we’re encouraged to foster and interest in a particular area of medicine. We’re currently doing a report which is the first step in this process. I chose the title “Viral Pandemics: Why do they happen and can they be prevented?”.
It’s so interesting! I feel like i’m essentially learning about the Zombie apocalypse! I learn about transmission from animals to humans, how it spreads the ethics of closing border etc.
I think infectious diseases is an area i’m becoming more and more interested in, it’s very clear cut - you stop the bad bugs. There’s none of this “oh this disease is self imposed because they smoke”, the person is infected, remove the infection etc. I’m going to try and score highly in this, it’s just such a good topic!
Last Thursday (as I’m sure you well know!) was Valentines. Well not for me - it was results day. So after a few hours of delayed deadlines (damned Medical school!) we got out results. Boom, two satisfactory marks, I pass, all is well. I ring Dr. Belfast, no answer, try again a little later, still no response, eventually I get through, and well the new isn’t good, she’s failed.
I can tell she’s upset, so I think to myself, I could brighten this up by going out with her tonight, by just being with her and showing her support. So I head down, we have a few drinks. I’m getting with her friend (classy, I know!) and I see Dr. B dancing with some guy, and well then she kisses him.
My stupid feelings for her decide to rear their heads up again and I decide I do not agree with this. Let’s not forget that the only reason she didn’t get with me in the first place was because she had a boyfriend - and here she is getting with someone when she has a boyfriend. I know I’m not that bothered, but for some reason it urks me. So I tell her how disappointed I am etc, and she understands.
But there’s a reason I’m like this, why I’m suddenly getting on my moral high horse, it’s not because I think she’s betraying her boyfriend etc - it’s because I wished it was me. I felt it should have been me. This isn’t a healthy thing to keep inside of you, this desire for your best friend. So I decided to tell her. We get back to her accommodation and I tell her everything.
I tell her that I still have feelings for her now, I don’t want them but I do. I just want to be her best friend, yet I can’t help how I feel. I also tell her how jealous I am. I just needed to say it.
She told me that it wasn’t how she felt, that she simply didn’t view me in that way anymore. I felt, really empty? Like all the stupid little ideas I’d had about my perfect [Scrubs] ending, somehow her realising I was the one for her, that wasn’t going to happen anymore, it was all a stupid little fantasy.
Once I’d got my thoughts together, I thought about all the positives of this. I could finally stop thinking ten years down the line when she would suddenly find feelings for me. I could focus on what I want, and I can finally try to put those feelings behind me, and become the friend I want to be with her.
I didn’t want to hear it - it’s the opposite of what I wanted, but it’s what i expected to hear. Sometimes hearing it from the person that completely encapsulates you, who makes your day, who holds all those feelings makes it so much easier to let go.
31st of December, 2012.
I think it’s about time to do that end of the year summary? But how do you summarise a year like 2012? How do you summarise the biggest year of your life? Well, I’m going to give it a shot!
This year has been the greatest year of my entire life. Everything I could have possibly hoped for happened this year, 2010 and 2011 were at times very difficult for me, I was mid A-levels, often not scoring high enough to get into medical school. This was devastating for me - I had no idea what to do with my life if I didn’t get into Medical school. So that brings two of the greatest dates of the year 8th March and 18th August;
These dates were both results days, and they were the days that booked my place in medical school. To open those brown envelopes and see that I had A’s, and that I had got into medical school, it made the difficulties of the last two years make sense, and I was proud of myself for everything I had achieved. I’d made it, and that was just everything for me.
So on came university, I moved in on the 14th September and met my flat, I’ve never met a cooler bunch of people, who are friendly, supportive and prepared to forgive my mistakes! I’m really thankful I met everyone of them, they’re just so much fun to live with. On the 21st September my medical course started, and I met my PBL group - in particular I met Dr. Belfast. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about chances and luck, how is it that I’ve been put into a PBL group and anatomy group with someone who I’ve never appreciated being with as much? I have been incredibly lucky to have met someone who I got on with so well from the start, and continue to have fun with now. Thank you fate, for that card.
The following 3 months have been the greatest of my life, I’ve learnt so much, I’ve laughed so much, I’ve drunk so much!
So here’s to 2013, your going to have a very tough time beating 2012 friendo, because I will never forget 2012, for it’s highs and lows, it’s pain and it’s love.
My resolution: Stop living in the future, now is the moment - stop looking so far into the future and planning your life out and missing what’s happening right now. Now is the time.
As Dr John Michael Dorian said: “I usually don’t like thinking about the future. I mean let’s face it, you can’t predict what’s going to happen.But sometimes, the thing you didn’t expect is what you really wanted after all. Maybe the best thing to do is stop trying to figure out where you’re going and just enjoy where you’re at.”
Have a happy new year, and an amazing 2013 - Lots of love, Dr. Britain.